Who is Sarah Hightower?

Greetings to all!

Did you ever get the sense that the better you was only steps ahead of you, just out of reach? Did you ever feel pushed toward something by a sense that your better you was right behind you? This is how I describe my doppelganger, my fictional character, the elusive yet ever-present Sarah Hightower.

I first became aware of her when I was in high school. She didn't have a name yet and her profile was not yet clear to me but she was the girl who could sit in math class, next to me actually, slowly, carefully pulling bits and shreds of a bologna sandwich out of her blazer pocket and still answer every single question correctly - sometimes steps ahead of the teacher. How did she accomplish this? She hid a photographic memory under a dizzy personality and all the while she had an aptitude for math that most girls still can't reach. I wanted to be her.

It's only recently that Sarah Hightower has come into focus. I am finding that after years of chasing her, of evading her, of missing her by inches, I am now as close to becoming her as I think I ever will be. Rather than losing myself into fiction, as I tried to do so many times in middle school while I was going through my secret agent phase, I think now she is becoming a fact. Don't think for a minute that I will change my name and appropriate her altogether. Rather, as I stay on my pilgrimage, I find her strength and agility comforting. She's been with me all my life, setting standards for me that I keep moving toward as they recede into the distance.

And don't think I really want a bunch of bread crumbs, mustard stains, or grease spots on the inside of my blazer pocket! It was that wonderful cavalier attitude toward my worst subject that I wanted. I wanted to be able to toss off math, to multi-task math, if you will. Ironically, as a discussion of fact and fiction approximating one another invariably must produce irony on some level, my math skills are pretty good.

That's how I finally started to recognize Sarah Hightower. I am just now starting to inhabit her strength and agility. How remarkable is that?